When chatting with a friend of mine about what a great marriage I have, he wanted to know how to get a great woman for himself. I said, “put her first.” Then he said “I don’t think I could do that.”
What my friend doesn’t realize is that to put someone first is an ideal way to find a truly great partner in life. When you meet someone and “put them first”, if they take advantage of your giving, you will know that they are a “me” person and they are not for you. But, if you “put them first” and they turn around and “put you first” you will know that they are a giving person like you are. What will then happen is you both will start putting the “us” first.
Reminds me of the words to a song from “The Music Man”, when Shirley Jones sang “Being in Love”:
And I would like him to be more interested in me Than he’s in himself and more interested in us than in me…
Of course, “The Music Man” was a perfect example of what not to do when looking for a life partner. Shirley Jones played a prim and proper librarian who had spent her whole life in the same town and Robert Preston was a traveling salesman con artist living an exciting life. Being a librarian, Shirley’s character is probably a “giving” person and Robert being a con artist would more likely than not be a “me” person.
So, what if you are a “me” person? Probably your best bet is to find a “giving” person and learn to find ways to give back to them on occasion. Some “giving” people will try to change you. They will want you to be more like them and will stay with you. But, if you just keep taking and taking and taking then they will eventually get tired of giving all the time and will find a way to leave.
So, here are a couple of quick and easy ways to find out if someone is a “giving” person or a “me” person.
- If it is important to them that they always be on time…
- If it is important to them that people can read their handwriting or just their signature…
The first case shows that they would rather put themselves out than inconvenience whoever they are meeting.
The second case shows that the person would take the effort to write clearly so the person reading wouldn’t be inconvenienced.
Sometimes a person may seem like a “giver” because they are friendly, a hugger and volunteers all the time. You may have to dig deep and use the two example indicators to find out if they really are a “giver” or just wanting people to think that they are important.